Well...its official. They've finally put me on medicine last night. I was given a dose of some weird med called Risperdal. I honestly don't think it's gonna do anything to help me either. It's a very small pill and I cant feel anything from it when it's supposed to be working. All it seems to do is make me a little sleepy. But as I found out tonight, the doctor will be raising my dose to see if that makes me mental stability any better. I hate this, I really do. I feel as if I'm just some test subject to them that they have to keep monitoring every fucking day. They check my vitals every morning, they hand me my medicine and my vitamins in a cup and watch me closely to make sure that I've taken them. They tell me what to do and where to go, they fill my mind with stuff they think will "help" me, they fill out these papers on how I acted throughout the day or what my behavior was, and I'm constantly being watched by them.I swear, I'm nothing more to them but a fucking test subject. I know they say that they care and crap, but deep inside them, I'll bet that they don't give two shits about me. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but think about it... this is a mental hospital and I'm just one out of a thousand or so patients that they'll see in a year. So just as long as I get "better" and behave for them, I highly doubt that they care at all.
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There can't be anything worse than starting your period at this place, It's just not fair. I mean, its not even time for me to have it, I've already had one this month and I already knew that I wasn't pregnant so I really don't have a need for another one. But no, mother nature decided to curse me with one last night and I cursed her out in return. Other than that happening, today really hasn't been that bad for me. Not like other days have been when I was really depressed and absolutely hated this place. Now it doesn't seem so bad. It sucks that I'm here, but it doesn't feel like I'm gonna die from being trapped in here so ling like I used to feel. I guess it seems like day-to-day life now, but with the knowledge that it wont last forever thankfully. I'm sure that I'd probably be crying everyday if I knew that I was gonna be here forever. I'm not kidding either. I'd probably fall into a deep depression and just go fucking insane. There is one good thing about being stuck in this place though, I'm able to eat healthier. I eat my vegetables like a good girl now.
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I am seriously freaking out right now. I'm tired, I'm pissed off, and I have a horrible headache. I'm tired because It's been a long day and I've been up since 06:30 this morning. I have a headache because I didn't feel like putting my glasses back on after my shower. And I'm pissed off because of this fucking pervert kid keeps pissing me off and I cant do anything about it because 1- I'm still in this mental institution and 2- he's only like half my size. I'm afraid that if I were to bitch slap him like I'd like too, he'd be hurt a lot more than he deserved. But I just can not stand this kid anymore. Yesterday while I was sitting at a table playing cards with a few other kids, he was sitting behind me on the floor with his face inches away from my ass. Then after I moved to a different chair, he followed me and when I turned around, he was reaching for my ass. I seriously almost back'handed him across the face right then. He is so lucky that I didn't. Then today, just minutes ago, he announced that he took all the girls underwear and slept with the underwear last night. Then he looked me in the eyes and told me that he took mine first and he also took my bra. I didn't want to believe him but then he described what everyone's underwear (and my bra) looked like and I'm still pissed about that. But right now I'm just gonna go to sleep and try not to think about this. I'm to tired for this crap.
~AngelCutter
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