Goth girl

My new hair

To far gone

Your jumping in
And letting go
You're giving up all hope
Of staying afloat

Your muscles are weak
But you don't care anymore
You give in 
To the weight of the world
Then sink deeper and deeper
Until you just cant take 
The pressure no more

You're suffocating slowly
With your own hands
Wrapped around your neck

The longer you cant breathe
The more you panic
And  the more you panic
The tighter you squeeze 

Death stands above you
And whispers into your ear
As you take the pen
And write one last letter

Down one last bottle
That's all it would take
Slip into the shower
And wash your sins away
With that razor

Blood is thicker than water
But they both fill the tub 

Your vision blurs 
As you sink down
And drown in your own pain

Your father knocks on the door
But it's already to late
Your spirit is free 
And he just lost whats left
Of his little girl

No matter how hard they tried
Or how many drugs they gave her
Nobody could save her 
From herself

In the very beginning
She was already
To far gone

~AngelCutter

Quote

"I cant drown my demons...they know how to swim" ~Unknown

What it's supposed to be...

Eyes shine no more
The time has come 
To rest forever

Don't try to speak to me
'Cause I'm already dead

It started with a knife
Then some pills
And now I'm gone

The story just began 
But I put it to an end

Life just doesn't seem to be
What it's supposed to be...

A Wish

THE SMELL OF BLOOD
WILL CALM THE SOUL
THE TASTE OF DEATH
WILL FREE THE SPIRIT

WITH ONE SMALL WISH
OF A HEART IN PAIN
A LIFE WILL BE LOST
AND A STORY WILL END

~AngelCutter

Old picture

Hospitalized...again

Yeah I was put back in the mental hospital for about a week. Got out last Tuesday. They forced me to go because I was really depressed and I tried to kill myself by OD on some pills. But I'm mostly better now. I'm on depression meds that have been helping some. Trying to OD isn't any fun at all either. It gave me the worst trip of my life so far.When the pills started affecting me, I got extremely dizzy to the point where it was to hard to even sit up by myself. By this point I was already in the ER with an IV in my arm giving me some weird liquid I forget what they said it was. The pills did something weird to my eyes, it made the white part way too white, my pupils were all fucked up, and it hurt to keep them open. I also had the worst stomach pains and felt so sick but couldn't puke anything up. That gross feeling lasted for hours and was very uncomfortable. Taking the pills wasn't much fun either, I choked on about half of them and they tasted nasty. So the whole thing just wasn't any fun. After I took the pills I pretty much freaked out. I was shaking and I panicked when I started to feel them in me and I made the mistake of telling the nurse that I took them. She called 911 right away even though I begged her not to. When the ambulance and cops came, I got defensive and was refusing to go. They just pried my hands off the arms of the chair, picked me up, then strapped me down to the gurney so tight that I couldn't move an inch. Once I was in the ambulance, I eventually gave up on struggling 'cause I knew that I wouldn't be able to get away from them. I figured that I'd just sit and wait for the pills to kill me, but they never did. Part of me is glad that they didn't. But then a big part of me is disappointed that they didn't.

~AngelCutter

I'm done

I'm going fucking crazy. I just cant take the stress anymore. I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt anyone that I love. But I just cant do this anymore. I'm done with everything. I'm done with my fucking life.

Me and my Lesbian Lovers

Sina, Me, and Mara

We're not really lesbian lovers but we were joking around about that the other day when I was at their house. It was a fun time.

~AngelCutter

Day 18 (freedom)

Wednesday 2-6-2013

I can almost taste my freedom again. My dad is supposed to come at 12:30 to finally get me out of here. The first thing I'm doing is taking a hot shower when I get home. Then I'll celebrate with a nice cup of coffee and blast some heavy-metal music and relax in my room. Ugh, time just cannot go by fast enough right now. I've been wanting to go home so badly ever since I got put in the first hospital a few weeks ago.

. . . . . .

Just packed up my stuff to go home and I am so happy. Haven't been this happy in forever. Now I have to wait for the last few hours to go by. That's the worst part, the waiting.

. . . . . .

1:15 pm I'M FREE!!!!

~AngelCutter

Day 17

Tuesday 2-5-2013

There's a chance that I might be going home today or tomorrow and I guess you could say that I'm nervous and scared but also excited to finally get out of here. I know that my friends will probably be loading me with questions about where I've been and suck. Maybe my teachers will too if they don't already know. But I think that they do know 'cause my school had faxed over some of my homework the other day. I'm kinda scared to go back home though 'cause I'm not sure that I'll be 100% safe back home. Even with my dad making sure that I wont ever be home alone again. I'm thinking that I'll be more like 50% safe at the most. But I am excited because things will finally be close to normal again.At least I'll be back in my my own room with my own bed and I'll get that cup of coffee that I've been craving so much.

. . . . . . .

Well, I've found out from my doctor that I'll defiantly be leaving tomorrow. But I still don't know exactly what time yet. I also found out that I have been diagnosed with two disorders. The first one is called Acute Stress Disorder, which is similar to PTSD but not as bad. And the other one is Brief Psychotic Disorder. Right now I only know the basics of what those area all about so I plan to research them as soon as I get home so I know what exactly they think is wrong with me. Also, I plan to research my medicines too so I know what they're doing to me. I'm the type of person who believes that knowledge is power.

~AngelCutter