Missing you

Yesterday was really hard for me to be honest. It was my very first Christmas without my mother being here. She was always real big on celebrating this time of year. She used to decorate the whole house, make wonderful Christmas deserts, and always had happy holiday music playing all month long. She always did all she could to make this time of year special for everybody, not just herself. And I was always there with her, helping her decorate and cook and whatever she wanted to do. No matter how sappy some of the things we did this time of year seemed to other people, we always stuck to our traditions and tried to make the best out of it. But yesterday I didn’t have her and I just fell apart. It’s been 8 months since her death and for the longest time I wouldn’t let myself cry at all when I missed her. Sometimes I still try not to. But sometimes a few tears are called for. No matter how much I try to hide my emotions, I can't totally get rid of them. And yesterday I just let go and cried so much and my eyes were bloodshot all day from it. And you know what…for what seems like the first time in my life, I’m not ashamed of my tears. She was my mother, though we fought and argued a lot, I still loved her more than anything.

Merry Christmas mommy. I miss you so much.

~AngelCutter