Well....

I'm going back to the mental hospital tonight. Bye for now

I want

Me

New Hair

My hair

I've decided how I want to dye my hair this next time. First I'll need black hair dye, some hair bleach, and a bunch of tiny hair bands. I'm first gonna dye all of my hair black again. Then after it's washed, dried, and straightened, I'm gonna take the hair bands and make a million tiny braids all over the front and top of my head. Then once that's done, I'm gonna take the hair bleach and randomly bleach about half of the braids. I'm hoping that once all that is done, my hair is washed, and the braids are taken out, that my hair will look really awesome.

~AngelCutter

I drove

I drove for the first time yesterday. Yay! Well, I didn't really drive, I just backed up a truck about 15 feet. But it still counts as driving in my book and is probably considered illegal if a cop were to catch me 'cause I don't have my learners permit yet. I don't care though, it's not the first time I've broken the law and probably wont be the last. Hehe, I'm a bad girl.

~AngelCutter

Court

Last Wednesday I had to go to court because they decided to add a few things to my bond conditions after I was put in the hospital again last Sunday for taking a bunch of pills. They added that I must not attempt to kill myself and that I must not have any self harmful behaviors. The public defender, aka the guy that's supposed to be on my side, made a direct threat to me that if I do anything that is self harmful, they will lock me up in Vicky Douglass. Vicky Douglass is a juvenile detention center. They say that they're just doing this to keep me safe but I think that this is a bunch of bull shit. They're taking away my rights and getting away with it too because I'm underage. I'm so pissed. This isn't fair. They don't understand that I'm addicted to cutting, I cant just stop at once. And frankly, I don't plan to stop. They can just lock me up one of these days. I don't give a shit anymore.

~AngelCutter

The last letter

Gather up your last goodbyes 
'Cause now it's my time to die

After I jab this pencil
Into my scarred up wrist
Take one last look at me
Then lay my body to rest

They tried so hard to help me
In so many ways
But still I was lonely
And I cried for days

In the end, nothing really matters
So just gather up some dead flowers
And lay them upon my grave

This world hurt me so bad 
You'd be amazed I lasted this long
Considering I was driven mad

Now this'll be the last letter I'll send
'Cause tomorrow will be far too late
Tomorrow will be the end. 

~AngelCutter

Update

Well They moved my court date from August to tomorrow. Apparently self harm an attempting to kill myself is a violation of my probation. Sunday night I made a mistake of showing my dad my arms and all the cuts on them. He started yelling at me and I felt like I just couldn't take his bull shit anymore so I took two handfuls of pills and them made another mistake of telling my boyfriend that I took the pills. He then called 911 and an ambulance came and I was rushed to the hospital were they kept me over night in the ICU and pumped me full of fluids. Now because of that, there's a chance that I might be put in juvi which will really suck.

~AngelCutter

Welcome to the dark side

Me and Eric

Probation rules that I must follow

• Commit no crimes
• Reside in the home of parent/guardian and obey all household rules
• Not spend the night at anyone's home unless it is an immediate family member, and you muct get prior approval from probation officer
• Take all medicine as prescribed by your doctor
• Remain under adult supervision 24 hours per day
• Maintain a daily curfew of 7:00pm
• Not leave the state of West Virginia without a parent.
• Have no contact with felons or probationers.
• Not use or possess a pager or cell phone.
• Not use or possess drugs, tobacco, alcohol, synthetic marijuana, bath salts, or chemically simular substances. 
• Not use or possess any deadly weapon, taser, mace, or similar device.
• Submit to random drug and alcohol testing
• Report as directed to the probation officer
• Report any contact with law enforcement within 24 hours
• Submit to random visits by the probation officer
• Submit to random searches by the probation officer of home and person
• Appear at all court hearings, probation visits, and evaluations.
• Attend school with no unexcused absences/tardiness
• Obey all school rules and maintain appropriate academic effort
• The Juvenile shall obtain prior permission from the Probation Officer to amend any of these conditions
• The violation of any of the preceding conditions may result in forfeiture of any bond and will permit the probation officer or any law enforcement officer to take the Juvenile to a detention center.

Me

darkness