This moment, so precious

Peace and love 
Is all that I can feel
From my head to my toes
As I lay there next to you 
We're snuggled so close 
And so warm
It's as if we are 
In our own little heaven

A soft morning sun 
Seeps through the curtains
Spilling itself throughout the room 
The sounds of birds chirping 
Outside the window 
And your slow, deep breaths
Come together 
In a beautiful harmony

In this moment, so precious
It's just you and me 
I treasure the way 
Your arms are wrapped around me
Loving, strong, and protective
Even as you sleep 
They always reassure me
That I'm safe and sound 
When we are together

~AngelCutter

Me and Eric

...

One day

One day I am gonna run again
And I'll get away
No body will be able to catch me
Because once they find out
That I was missing
I will already be dead

~AngelCutter

4-20-2012

I stand there in silence. Emotionless as a statue. Standing in the corner of the room. Numb. Watching everything unfold in front of me. It's a small, regular hospital room with a bunch of machines that have kept you alive for so long. But now they're turned off. The light is dimmed just enough to attempt to create the allusion that you're just sleeping. The nurse stands by the door awkwardly, not knowing what to do. She had just delivered the horrific news. And I despise her. Her and all the others at the hospital. They're to blame for what has happened to you. I bow my head and squeeze my eyes shut as I feel a knot form in my throat. I cant handle hearing my sister and father cry as they stand by your sides, holding both of your cold hands. I put my hands over my ears, trying to block out the world around me. But it's not use. The numbness fades and the pain hits me so hard, it makes me step  back and I fall into a chair behind me. It feels as if someone had just ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground, and started stomping on it. I spent a good hour or so crying my eyes out as the pain of losing you comes at me full force. Then as if I was hit again, the tears suddenly stopped and I was numb again. And I remained numb for months after that. 

RIP mommy 

~AngelCutter

Don't

Beutiful

Mothers Day

Today is a holiday
It is mothers day
Another Sunday morning
As I prepare to leave
I'm going to a church
But not the one of my faith
No, today I will visit again
The one where my mother lays
There's no need to dress
In my Sunday best
It'll just get dirty
When I kneel in the grass
Dad Took me to a church
On a road I don't know
With a shovel in hand
We planted some flowers
On my mothers grave

~AngelCutter

Monday 4-29-2013

My day started off just fine. My dad woke me up early to go to my weekly therapy appointment which went well. I kinda like my therapist this time unlike when I had therapy as a child and always resented my therapists. My therapist now is a nice lady who I can tell tries to understand me somewhat. After the appointment, dad and I went back home for a few hours and I just hung out in my room, doing things on the internet and listened to my music.At 1:00pm we had an appointment at school and that's where things started going down hill fast. Instead of being put in alternative school I'm being put on home-bound where my teacher comes to my house a few times a week to give me my work. But that's not really what was the problem. The problem is that I'm still pissed at some people that were in the meeting and just pissed at the whole school and their fucking system. But I wont have to deal with that school anymore 'cause I was kicked out of Jefferson and I will be going to Washington High next school year. When they told me that I'd be going to Washington, that also pissed me off more 'cause I hate that school just as much as Jefferson. Any-who, after the meeting, dad and I said goodbye and went back to the truck to go home By then I was really about to freak out so I took my "as needed" medicine that I'm supposed to take when I feel like freaking out like that. I ended up bursting out in tears a minute after and I cried the whole way from the school to the gas station. When dad got out to pump gas, I forced myself to stop crying and I got out of the truck. I hugged my dad and said goodbye then started walking towards the road where I planned to step out in front of a car to kill myself. But he grabbed me and held me back. Then for like half an hour we struggled with me trying to get away and him trying to hold me back. Then some guys from the grocery store came out and asked if there was a problem. They probably thought that he was trying to kidnap me or something. So my dad turned to try and explain to them what was going on and that's when I took off running. I darted behind some bushes and a building and leaned against the building, trying to think of where to go next. That's when a young couple pulled up in a small blue car and asked if I was okay. I shook my head no and the lady waved for me to come over. I asked if they could give me a ride and she said sure. I got into the car and ducked my head down so nobody could see me. She asked where I wanted to go and I said to just take me any where but here. She said that its probably best to take me to the police station, I said okay. She asked what was going on and asked if I was being kidnapped. In between more tears I told her that I wasn't being kidnapped, that it was just my dad. She asked what was going on again and I told her that it was a long story knowing that if I told her that I was gonna kill myself, she might turn the car around and take me back to my dad. Once we got to the police station I looked up and said that this wasn't a good idea. I asked her to keep going straight then take a right and let me off in the parking lot of some miny-mart. She did and I thanked her a few times and took off running again down the street towards who knows where. I spent about a good 20 minutes walking and wondering around some upper-class neighborhood. I tried to hitch hike another ride with some grandma but she wouldn't give me a ride. After that I got back onto the main road and started walking back into town, feeling my medicine kicking in and not knowing where the hell to go. I stopped at a post office and sat on the bench outside of it and just buried my face into my hands confused, dizzy, and lost. A few minutes latter I thought I heard someone say something so I looked up and saw a police car coming and I heard it slam on the breaks. I jumped up and took off running as fast as I ever have. The cop quickly put the car in reverse and stopped about ten feet in front of me. He then pointed at me and told me to come here but I shook my head then took a quick left, running across the street without looking and into the parking lot of the miny-mart mentioned earlier. As I was running I heard a car burn rubber behind me, it probably was the cops and another dude that I ran past laughed and said that they got me now. I looked at him while I was running and replied that they didn't have me yet. As I ran into the miny-mart, I heard the police slam on their breaks a few feet behind me and I said oh crap and started running even faster.I darted through the store and said 'excuse me' as I ran past a few people with shocked expressions on their faces. Once I got to the back of the store I stopped to look back and saw some lady pointing to me as the cop came into the store. I took off running to the left side of the store and I heard the cop call out "Sam stop!" multiple times. But I didn't listen I just kept running and I circled back to the front of the store in an attempt to get back outside but I was cornered between the cop and some other lady that was chasing me too. I stopped for one second to look around to see if there was a way out and that was just enough time for the cop to catch me. He tackled me and pressed me against the ground with his knee in my back and I kept struggling and trying to get away but it was no use. I gave up and just let him arrest me without a struggle 'cause I knew at that point that there was no use in trying to get away anymore. He put handcuffs on me and ordered me to get up. I obeyed and got up and he led me out of the store while keeping a tight grip on my arm, probably expecting me to try and run again. He brought me out to the police car and opened the back door but then stopped and asked me if I had my knife on me. I asked him "which one?" He then asked "where is it?" and I said that I didn't have it on me today since I went to a school meeting. He asked "Since when does that stop you? Now where is it?" I told him again that I didn't have it on me. He took off my gloves and rings and did a small search of my pockets and my shoes and told his partner that I'm known to have razors and knifes on me. He got distracted with something for one second and I was able to slip my left hand out of the handcuffs. His partner tried to warn him that I was trying to escape but I was quicker. As soon as I got my hand free and started turning around, he quickly grabbed me and slammed me hard against the police car. I hit the car with a big thud and said "god damn" He re-handcuffed me tighter this time and put me in the back of the police car. He buckled me in and then him and his partner got into the front. On the way to the police station, I got a long lecture about running away and trying to escape out of handcuffs. He also said that he was gonna press charges on me for running and shit. When we got to the police station, he lectured me again and I got the handcuffs around so that they were in front of me instead of behind and the cop had me searched by another female cop. After a while of being lectures, being threatened with him pressing charges against me, and just sitting there, my dad showed up. The cop took me out to him and after another long lecture and many warnings about if I run again I'll be arrested again and I'll regret it big time, he finally took the handcuffs off of me and let me go.

~AngelCutter

satan

No makeup

Untitled

They smile at her
They think nothings wrong
But they call her a freak
Just because she's different

She sits alone
In the lunchroom again
So quiet and still
To scared to eat
And she just cant stand
Her never ending thoughts
Of wanting to be dead

Eye liner runs again
In streaks down her face
Gotta wear long sleeves
To hide her arms
Cant let anyone
See the scars

Cutters lullaby

Go to sleep and close your eyes
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wing against a thorn
You know the pain they have borne
Silver metal shine so bright
Scarlet blood that feels so right
Dream of the blood trickling down
And wake up just before you drown
The moonlight shining off your tears
As you bleed out your own worst fears
So tonight when you start to cry
Whisper the cutters lullaby

I want

Hmmm...

I'm wondering what I'd look like with red hair. Maybe have it red underneath and black on top. That would be cool.

I want

Love my monster

Scars

My future

Truth...

Emo Angel

Anti-Christ